Game Over

Okay so for anyone who's been confused about my feelings for a certain person.......this song completely reminds me of him. It's been in my cd player for a few months now. If you know me and you read the lyrics you should know exactly who I'm talking about.
- See Heather, I told you I'd get these lyrics on here someday. I'll have to actually play the song for you next time we hang out. -
I highlighted the things that really described him in BLUE b/c like w/ most things I could not completely relate to the entire song. Hopefully someday there will be a person that the song completely describes.



Artist:
Destiny's Child
Album:
Destiny Fulfilled
Title:
Game Over


[Kelly:]
6 foot
Dark skin
Damn baby you got me open
Your heart
Is so big
You buy anything Kelly be wantin’
You’re justGod sent
Ooh that way that you be talkin’
Has gotten my attention
And I ain’t doing nothin but listenin

[Hook:]
Ain’t no one like you
That makes me wanna kiss like you
Nobody ever could handle this like you
For anybody askin’
The game is over
Ain’t no touch like you
That makes me wanna touch like you
Nobody ever could handle this like you
For anybody askin’
The game is over

[Beyoncé:]
My Boy
Is so hood
He does that thing to me so good
His mind set
So complex
You’d never think he’s from the projects
He’s myBest Friend
Perfect fit for a husband
His swager
His confidence
He’s got his little mama’s mind bent
Thank God you sent him to save me
My joy, woo my joy
His style is so amazing
My heart is only for his taking

[Hook:]Ain’t no one like you
That makes me wanna kiss like you
Nobody ever could handle this like you
For anybody askin’
The game is over
Ain’t no touch like you
That makes me wanna touch like you
Nobody ever could handle this like you
For anybody askin’
The game is over

[Michelle:]
Ooh my man my man
He does whatever it takes to satisfy me
This man this man
He knows me inside out
My wants and my needs
His ways are so unique
The way he protects me
No price
No Ring
No House
No material thing
Could ever take him from me
Ain’t no one like you
No, no, no, no
Ain’t no one like you
No, no, no, no

[Hook:]
Ain’t no one like you
That makes me wanna kiss like you
Nobody ever could handle this like you
For anybody askin’
The game is over
Ain’t no touch like you
That makes me wanna touch like you
Nobody ever could handle this like you
For anybody askin’
The game is over

My new place

Today was a little better. I stayed really busy at work so that helped quite a bit. Hopefully it will continue to help through out the week. I had plans to go to lunch today w/ Jay but he was going to have his daughter come along and it just didn't feel right. I know him and I are just friends now but it just seemed weird. He said he's probably coming back this weekend so I'm sure we'll get together then. I'll have him come help me move. Put his ass to work. Ha! Ha! J/K
So about my new apartment........its great. It's just a little bigger than my apartment now but its in the location I wanted and it has its own private stairway. So if someone is coming up I know its only for me. =) Other pros........1)its still on the top floor so I don't have anyone banging on the floor above me. It also has the bathroom seperate from the bedroom. This was a huge issue when I was dating David b/c he wanted the cats to stay out of the room. Honestly this was one of the main reasons I decided to move. Sad that I basically made my decision based on a relationship that I'd only had for a few months, but I was so sure he was the one. STUPID GIRL!!!!! So, I guess the whole seperate bathroom will still be good. Since the cats will be gone after Thursday it won't matter much but thats okay.
So I plan on being in my place by Saturday. I'll be doing a little moving Friday night and then finish up on Saturday. Maybe I'll finally have a housewarming party. I'll probably end up doing it Saturday night. LOL. Can you tell I don't want to be alone? Its going to be weird. I know I already live alone but not having the cats around.......that's going to be hard. I'll definitely have to hold back from making the calls to David. I'm sure I'll figure something out.

Geez I've been so emotional today. I've cried over the damn cats. I've cried over work. I've cried about the whole move and how its right around the corner. And of course.........I've cried about David. I HATE being a girl. BLAH!!!!!!!
I would go on and on about the situation between us but its pointless. I'm tired of him consuming my blog entries. I just miss him.
C
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My friend Jay is in town. =) I'm hoping we get to see eachother tonight. It would be real nice to sit and talk. He always gives me the best advice. It would be nice to get a guy's perspective on everything that I've been going through. I hope he calls.

Thinking.......

I'm in a weird mood today. I wouldn't say its good but I can't say its bad either. I've been doing a lot of thinking about everything going on in my life and how I want and need to change certain things.
First, my whole love life. It's a mess. David stays on my mind all day and its driving me crazy. While Pree is fun, he's not interested in more than what we're doing and thats just not enough for me. I want a boyfriend. I want someone I can trust and know that I'm the only one in their life. I just don't get that with him. As much as I'd like to try and have something more I just don't think its going to happen so I'm not trying anymore. I'm just going to give him space. This will actually be good for me too. I think I need to be guy free for awhile. Especially since I still have feelings for David. So I'm putting my love life on hold for awhile. This includes "pillow buddies" (Melissa's term). I think sex will just make the situation worse so I'm going to try and cut that off too.
With that said, to keep myself busy I'm going to be taking on more hours at work. This will be good not only b/c of the extra money I'll be earning but also b/c I need to start working harder and catching up from all the slacking I've been doing lately. I'm not sure what happened. I've always been known as a perfectionist.....always wanting my work and everything I do to be perfect. But the past few years I've just given up and don't give my all. I really want to change this and get back to my old self but its going to take time. I'll be starting back up at ACC next month so I'm hoping this will help as well. School is something I've always enjoyed. I just love to learn. I'm very happy to be going back.
I'll be moving this Friday to my new apartment. I'm excited and scared at the same time. I still have so much to do and I have no time to do it. =( I can't wait til its over and done with. I've also made up my mind about the whole cat situation. They are ALL going. I just want to start off fresh in my new apartment and that means no cats. Anyone who knows me knows this is a very hard decision for me. I love my cats but I just do not have the time or the patience. See...I'm more of a dog person. I like cats but the hair and litter problems are just too much to handle. I also don't show them enough attention. I think they'd be better off with someone who has the time and can love them more than I can. This is hard b/c
1)I've never had to get rid of an animal and 2) Because of the way I'm doing it. I'm having my mom's boyfriend take them to a shelter on Friday when I move. I won't even be saying goodbye. It will just be too hard and I know I'll just end up prolonging it which I've already done the past few months. I'm sure I'll get tons of shit from all my friends about how this is not the right choice but I really think it is.
BLAH!!!!!!!
Time for bed.....I could go on for hours.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday night with nothing to do

It's Saturday night and I have nothing to do. I've had a few phone calls from friends wanting to drink tonight but I'm really not in the mood. Just want to do something fun with no alcohol involved. I've been in a weird mood today and I think alcohol will just make it worse. So....since most of my friends are all about partying and drinking.....guess I'll be staying home.
Signed on to yahoo messenger today and guess who was on? David. Of course like an idiot I immediatley IMed him asking if we could talk for a sec. His answer......."NO!" I guess we will never be able to be friends. I have to admit I was pretty upset but I'm trying to not let it affect my night. I'm just not use to this. I've always stayed close or atleast friends w/ my ex's. I've never had a situation like this. Oh well.....gotta get use to it.
I'm sure I'll have more later.........time to go rent some movies.

Not so good at this

Okay so I'm not so good at this whole "single" thing. I thought it was what I wanted and I'd love having the freedom but the truth is......I can't stand it. I want to be with one person and one person only. I'm just not into dating multiple guys. With that said....I have no clue what I'm going to do about my situation with Pree. I really enjoy spending time with him but I just don't see this going anywhere. I told him how I felt and how I want to be more than whatever it is we are and he said okay but has yet to act on it. I'm trying to just give it more time but I can't wait around forever. I don't know....maybe I'm just asking for too much from him right now. I know he has a lot going on....work and his son.....so maybe I really should just wait and see how things go. Hopefully he'll start making more time for me too. Yeah, that's what I'll do. My friends think that I just need to let it go but there is just a major attraction there that will not go away. And when I'm around him he makes me sooooo happy. Right now, being happy is all that matters. So......I'll keep trying.

Pflugerville vs. Westlake 42-32

WooHoo! We won! P-ville that is. We beat Westlake 42-32. This was our 1st playoff game. Justin (my brother) did really well. I never knew he was so tough. LOL! I can't wait to watch him play next week. I think its going to be in Waco so I need to talk to my boss about getting half the day off. We'll see if I can make it.
Jay ended up showing up during the 3rd quarter. I was a little mad that he didn't make it until then but hey.....at least he showed up. I think he enjoyed the game more than me. LOL! He was really getting into it.
Guess thats it....til tomorrow.

A lot went on today. First David finally talk to me (well I guess we wouldn't call it talking) then more drama at work w/ HF. I was going to spend this whole time telling you what went on with both situations but I realized that would just make my night even more stressful. Instead....I'm going to just start letting things go and chilling out. My work situation can be resolved and hopefully will be when Kimberly returns and as far as the David thing.....I emailed him and told him exactly how I felt about everything and I can't do anything more. So.....I just need to let everything go.

On to something funny.........I met this guy from BP and he's very interesting. I say that b/c he's NEVER talked to a "white girl" (this would be the term he used) before. It was pretty funny listening to him trip out about the way I spoke. He expected me to be one of those girls who tries to act & talk as if she's black. Sounds funny saying that b/c in my eyes for the most part you can't sound like you're a certain race but I know what he meant. He said it was funny b/c I didn't care about the fact that I was white. Well.....of course I don't care about the fact that I'm white. I don't hate my race. I hate things my race has done in the past and things they still do can frustrate me but hey.....that's everyone. Every person I'm sure has been ashamed of their race at one point. And just because I do happen to prefer Black men when dating does not mean that I'm trying to be something I'm not. I'm WHITE and I know that. Actually I'm Mexican & White. So.......this whole new friendship will be interesting and fun. He seems pretty cool and it will be nice to see how myself & someone from another race,with completely different views, can learn to relate. He keeps telling me not to let his experiences discourage me and I'm not going to. I'm really going to keep an open mind and try and be understanding when he makes some of the comments he does. We'll see how this goes.

Well I need to be up early tomorrow. I have a lot to do before I leave for work and I need to make sure I'm there early so I can get off early. My friend Jay is coming to town and we're suppose to go to the Pflugerville vs. Westlake game. It's the first playoff game for P-ville. Hopefully we'll win. I have my fingers crossed.

Because of you

I was talking to a friend of mine and somehow the subject of my mom & our relationship came up. Alot of issues I thought I was over came up and made me realize that there is still a lot of animosity there. Then I was listening to Kelly Clarkson's newest CD and heard this song. It completely explains mine and my mom's relationship. I freaked out when I realized just how much I could relate to this song. So I had to find the lyrics and post them.......



Artist:
Kelly Clarkson
Album:
Breakaway
Title:
Because Of You


I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because you know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

Once again....another wonderful night!

=) Like that big smile? It's because I had a wonderful night. "Gold"(Nickname my friends and I have for him) came over. Okay so I guess I can finally start calling him by his name. Pree! The explanation behind the nickname??? Well thats just between us girls. LOL.
Anyways.....he came over last night and it was really nice. We didn't go out and do anything but it was nice just having him there. Just love being in his arms. As far as what we did.....................

Well that should explain it. ;-)
Best part about it.........waking up to him this morning. It was great. I really needed this after all the shit I've been going through w/ the David situation. Now if only I could get him to let go of all the other girls he's seeing. =( He says he isn't but I have a hard time believing it. Oh well. I'm just enjoying what we have. If it turns into something more great, but I'm not going to keep pushing him on it.

Note: I have to get a bigger bed. That boy is too tall. LOL