Thinking.......

I'm in a weird mood today. I wouldn't say its good but I can't say its bad either. I've been doing a lot of thinking about everything going on in my life and how I want and need to change certain things.
First, my whole love life. It's a mess. David stays on my mind all day and its driving me crazy. While Pree is fun, he's not interested in more than what we're doing and thats just not enough for me. I want a boyfriend. I want someone I can trust and know that I'm the only one in their life. I just don't get that with him. As much as I'd like to try and have something more I just don't think its going to happen so I'm not trying anymore. I'm just going to give him space. This will actually be good for me too. I think I need to be guy free for awhile. Especially since I still have feelings for David. So I'm putting my love life on hold for awhile. This includes "pillow buddies" (Melissa's term). I think sex will just make the situation worse so I'm going to try and cut that off too.
With that said, to keep myself busy I'm going to be taking on more hours at work. This will be good not only b/c of the extra money I'll be earning but also b/c I need to start working harder and catching up from all the slacking I've been doing lately. I'm not sure what happened. I've always been known as a perfectionist.....always wanting my work and everything I do to be perfect. But the past few years I've just given up and don't give my all. I really want to change this and get back to my old self but its going to take time. I'll be starting back up at ACC next month so I'm hoping this will help as well. School is something I've always enjoyed. I just love to learn. I'm very happy to be going back.
I'll be moving this Friday to my new apartment. I'm excited and scared at the same time. I still have so much to do and I have no time to do it. =( I can't wait til its over and done with. I've also made up my mind about the whole cat situation. They are ALL going. I just want to start off fresh in my new apartment and that means no cats. Anyone who knows me knows this is a very hard decision for me. I love my cats but I just do not have the time or the patience. See...I'm more of a dog person. I like cats but the hair and litter problems are just too much to handle. I also don't show them enough attention. I think they'd be better off with someone who has the time and can love them more than I can. This is hard b/c
1)I've never had to get rid of an animal and 2) Because of the way I'm doing it. I'm having my mom's boyfriend take them to a shelter on Friday when I move. I won't even be saying goodbye. It will just be too hard and I know I'll just end up prolonging it which I've already done the past few months. I'm sure I'll get tons of shit from all my friends about how this is not the right choice but I really think it is.
BLAH!!!!!!!
Time for bed.....I could go on for hours.